Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The beer is more important than you right now.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
