i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
