I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
