Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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