and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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