If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
