all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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