Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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