woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I want her autograph on my taint
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
