Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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