I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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