i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I am one with the molecules
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
