I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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