dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
