i would punch a child for taco bell
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
