i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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