she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
