Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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