What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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