I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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