not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
