I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
