your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
