I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
