I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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