dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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