I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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