what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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