now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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