My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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