i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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