margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
