Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
