Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
