My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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