and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
