Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
50% drunk capacity currently
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
