In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
