he referred to my room as the tit cave...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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