My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
