handjob tips. give me some.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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