Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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