Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
