My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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