is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
