I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
