a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
