she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
