He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
