im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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