He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
